Thinking is hard work

Sometimes it hurts.  It's a lot easier to accept what you're taught without examining it.  Sometimes...I wish I could just take the blue pill and go back to sleep.  Back to a time when I didn't have all these questions.  But here's the thing: there is no Matrix.   In real life, once you know the red pill exists, the blue pill is powerless.  There's no going back—there's only pretending.  So the choice comes down to truth or willful denial.  Argh.

And not only that, but truth is so...elusive.  Anyone who thinks he knows all truth, that he is right about everything, is fooling himself.  Wouldn't it be great if there was a Sudoku, or a crossword, or a mathematical formula that, once solved, gave us the ability to correctly perceive truth?  Instead, we get to study and ponder and wonder, and eventually arrive at something that we can only hope is more true than not.

It's at this point that I start to make even myself nervous, sounding all agnostic and stuff.  After all, I was raised in church, so I know that agnostics are definitely going to hell.  The only people who escape are those who unquestioningly believe what they were taught in Sunday School, right?

But I can't help it—I have to wonder.  Why would God leave the answers to so many important questions open to interpretation?  Why wouldn't He just lay out the Sixteen Fundamentals of Faith in the Sermon on the Mount?  How can so many people sincerely study His Word so thoroughly and arrive at different conclusions?  Is it possible that He wants us to explore, and seek, and think, and even (gasp) question?

I know, I'm supposed to have “faith like a child”.  And honestly?  I think I do.  I trust God.  I trust that He knows me, and loves me, and is smarter than I am.  I trust that He is big enough to handle my questions, and that He wants me to know the truth.  I trust that He is an infinitely patient father, even when I am stuck in this annoying stage of constantly asking “why?”.  I trust that He will walk with me through this stage, and that better understanding waits for me on the other side of it.

Let's talk about church clothes

I feel like I should be doing a Christmas post, but I'm not. I apologize if you're disappointed, but instead I'd like to talk about the latest thing that's been rattling around in my head: why a special wardrobe is required to go to church.

Yes, a lot of churches are pretty casual these days.

Even my church shows a lot of denim on Sunday mornings, but as a lifelong Churchian and The Pastor's Wife, I just can't do it. And I've been thinking about why that is. In spite of all my talk about abandoning the rules and not worrying about judgment from my fellow Churchians, I have to admit: I'm a little afraid that someone might think thoughts if I wore jeans on a Sunday morning. So I don't. Even on the days that I really really want to¹.

So who cares? Does it matter what I wear to church?

Um, yes. Like it or not, what I wear says something about me. Some types of clothing are appropriate for certain situations and ridiculous elsewhere (swim suits and wedding dresses come to mind). There are some clothing items that I would argue are never appropriate anywhere (Crocs, obviously²). But what is appropriate for church? And what do I want my Sunday morning outfit to say?

Oh, and just who am I talking to through my clothes?

Great, just what I need: one more thing to overthink. But really, let's examine this for a minute. By insisting on “church clothes” for church, who am I dressing for? Am I dressing to impress the young mom who wants to check out this church thing but isn't sure it's for her? The one who sneaks in and sits in the back because she's not sure she's dressed right³? Well, no. I'm dressing to please the small minority of my fellow Churchians who still care about dressing up for church.

Remember: church is weird.

For people who didn't grow up as Churchians, going to church can be weird and scary. It's like trying to integrate into an unfamiliar foreign culture. So why throw up one more obstacle for people who are new to church? Why make them feel like they have to buy a new wardrobe first? I can't speak from a man's perspective, since I've never been one, but I guarantee that for a woman—feeling like you don't have the right clothes could absolutely keep you away from church.

Great. Something else I have to face.

Now that I've thought through the reasons for my church clothes, I'm going to have to face this lingering bit of fear of what Churchians think of me. I don't have any illusions that what I, personally, wear to church will set the tone for who we are as a church and throw our doors open in welcome to our community. But maybe...maybe...seeing The Pastor's Wife in jeans will reassure that young mom in the back that her clothes are fine. And maybe it will help me remember why I'm there, and who I'm trying to impress. Maybe.

1. Just to be clear, I have no hang-up at all with anyone other than myself wearing jeans to church. Ten years ago? Yes. But I'm way over it now.

2. I'm kidding, of course. That's just a really funny joke.

3. Men reading this may not be tracking, but trust me: women think about this stuff a lot.

What is Prayer, Anyway?

We've established that it's not a mystical force to be idolized, but what IS it? How do you do it right?

Ask a Churchian:

They might tell you what they have been taught—that prayer is talking to God. It is, but we Churchians can't let anything be that simple. We know that to do it right, you need to close your eyes when you talk to God. It's also preferable to use Biblical-sounding language and to follow a formula based on the Lord's Prayer, or possibly the ABCs of Prayer. And you should be aware that prayer doesn't really count unless you do it early in the morning or at a specially designated prayer meeting. As a matter of fact, since the process is extremely complicated and requires skill and concentration, it may be advisable to take a class on prayer (or at a minimum, read a couple of books on the topic) before attempting it.

Given all these factors, is it surprising that many Churchians have decided that prayer is best left to the professionals? Instead of attempting their own amateur prayers, they instead submit their “prayer requests” to the pastor and “prayer team”.

A classic case of unintended consequences

The intent in holding classes and writing books on prayer, obviously, was to help people pray more. I suspect that instead, the message many Churchians have received is that they shouldn't bother with prayer unless they can do it right. Just talking to God and trying to listen to Him? That doesn't count.

What we like to call “the right way”*:

Can we agree that the purpose of prayer is communicating with God? Think about how you communicate with someone you're close to:

1. You talk to them when you have something to say—you have a need, or a feeling you want to share, or just something you want them to know. You probably don't have designated “communication time” or “communication meetings”. Or maybe you do—but communication with that person is not restricted only to those times.
2. You sound like yourself when you talk to them. No need for a script or formula. You just talk.
3. You listen to them. You tune in to what they have to say to you, and you stop talking long enough to hear them.

Here's the thing: God is wherever you are, and He wants to hear from you. No need to wait for a prayer meeting. You don't even have to get up early to pray (if you're not a morning person, nobody knows that better than God—He made you!). Just talk to Him. You need something? You have questions? TALK TO HIM.

And don't forget the other half of the equation: listen to Him. In my experience, the #1 way God talks to us is through that great big book He gave us. It's not the only way, but it's the reason He gave us the Bible. Go ahead and throw out your Churchian “devotional guide” that tells you to spend a certain amount of time praying and a separate period of time reading the Bible. Two-way communication with God is the point of it all, right? Talk to Him, listen to Him, and get to know His voice. It really is that simple.

*If you follow this link and look for the prayer lesson in the clip, there isn't one--just the origin of the phrase I used for the section heading at about 1:05.

The Church's Favorite Idols

Having grown up as a Churchian, I've heard many sermons on the dangers of modern-day idolatry¹. Youth pastors often warn teenage Churchians against making idols of things like romantic relationships and entertainment. Older Churchians know that they must guard against allowing their careers, homes, and finances to become idols. Because we Churchians are also humans, though, knowing doesn't necessarily remove the problem. In our determination to avoid idolizing Wordly Things², we've managed to create our own idols within the church. Our Churchian idols are harder to recognize. They're sneaky, because they look like good things. For that matter, they usually are good things. They're just a little out of balance, slightly twisted, or misunderstood. For example?

Prayer.

Yes. For some Churchians, prayer is an idol.

Before you stone me, let me explain.

If you ask a Churchian what prayer is, he will probably tell you that it is talking to God. And yet, in reality, many Churchians view prayer as a force in its own right, rather than a means of communication. Don't believe me? Think about the much-used-in-the-church phrase, “the power of prayer”. What does that mean? If you have spent much time in evangelical churches, you know what it means: that the right kind of prayer, in sufficient quantities, has the power to make God do things. We have been taught that if we pray enough, using the correct prayer formula, God will do what we tell him to do. So we read books about prayer, take classes on prayer, and show up to prayer meetings, all in an attempt to access the power of prayer...completely missing that prayer is a means of communicating with God, not an end in itself.

Know what else can be an idol?

Worship.³

Similar to the phenomenon of prayer idolatry, but this one is especially prevalent in charismatic and Pentecostal churches. In fact, if that is not your background, you probably won't know what I'm talking about here, and you have my permission to skip this section.

As with prayer, worship music is often viewed as a force of some kind, rather than a tool—the right combination of talent, sincerity and congregational participation is believed to have the power to produce the presence of God. If the musicians are off their game or the congregation isn't sufficiently engaged, you may hear someone say that they “just didn't feel the presence”. Some Churchians move from church to church, searching for the one that conjures that feeling on Sunday mornings.

The problem with this mindset is that those people are missing the actual presence of God as they chase after feelings. When people gather to meet with God, He is there whether I feel Him or not.

I don't want to miss Him any more.

1. For those who may be unfamiliar with Churchian vernacular, Webster defines idolatry as “the worship of a physical object as a god” or “immoderate attachment or devotion to something”. In the church, it generally means allowing any object or relationship to take precedence over one's commitment to following Jesus.

2. A Churchian phrase with a wide range of meanings—depending on who you are talking to, it could refer to something apparently harmless but not overtly religious, or to the worst of sins.

3. In Churchian circles, worship almost always refers to music—singing songs about and to God. 

Jesus is not a Republican

Contrary to what many Churchians seem to believe, I am fairly confident that He is not. At least, not the gun-loving, gay-hating, clinic-picketing, pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps, the-poor-can-take-care-of-themselves, anti-healthcare reform variety that has become known as the “Christian Right”. Is this really what we, the Church of Jesus Christ, want to be known for?

BARF

Now, I understand why Christians have aligned themselves on the right. I do. I'm not old enough to have experienced this political shift firsthand, but I hear it wasn't always this way. The shift, I believe, came about largely because of the controversy surrounding the legalization of abortion. So, let me be clear: I hate abortion, and if I could wave my wand and make sure it never happened again, I would. But just because I agree more with the Republican party's stance on this one issue¹, somehow that means that I'm supposed to knee-jerk, unquestioningly, align myself with the entire Republican platform?

That's the part I don't get.

For example: why is it that evangelical Christians, in general, are rabidly opposed to “Obamacare”? Because the American health care system is working perfectly and needs no improvement?² Because the church is about to open a vast network of free clinics and hospitals and alleviate the problem themselves? Is there some Biblical principal I've missed that says those with means have a right to excellent healthcare while the unemployed are out of luck? Or is it because Christians are supposed to be Republicans and therefore opposed to anything proposed by the Democrats? I keep coming back to Proverbs 29:7:

The righteous is concerned for the rights of the poor, the wicked does not understand such concern.

And how about welfare? The “Christian Right” isn't saying “The government should get out of the business of taking care of the poor because the church is doing such a great job of it that it's not necessary”. They're saying things like “the poor should get off their butts and quit expecting a hand-out”. Is that a principal Jesus taught somewhere in some obscure corner of the Bible? Isn't Jesus the guy who told the rich man in Matthew 19 “If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven”?

Where on earth did Churchians get the idea that Jesus is a conservative?

Now, understand me—I'm no fan of hand-outs. Just ask my kids. As a matter of fact, I am a pretty big fan of the verse that says “if anyone is not willing to work, then he is not to eat, either.”³ I like to pick that one out and quote it, but Jesus? He's a lot more compassionate than I am. He seems to be pretty concerned about things like taking care of widows and orphans (or how about the modern American equivalent: single moms and foster kids?). And let's go there: the Acts church were basically communists⁴.

So Christians should be Democrats?

Personally, I find enough to disagree with in both major parties' platforms that I'm registered as an independent⁵. If you've checked out the party platform and feel like identifying with the Republican party, then OK—be a Republican. But please: don't be a Republican because you've been taught that's what Churchians are supposed to be.

And please...think about the message you're sending through your bumper stickers and social media rhetoric. Is spouting an opinion really worth confirming the commonly-held belief that Christians are a bunch of uncaring jerks?

1. And, yes...it's a big issue. Huge.

2. If you think that is the case, you probably have a government job that provides your family with excellent, secure, high-cost-to-the-taxpayers coverage.

3. 2 Thessalonians 3:10, NASB

4. Acts 2:44-45 (NASB) And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. 

5. Plus, I'm kind of a non-joiner. I admit to being a little rebellious like that.

Occupy...Church?

Unless you live in a cave, you are probably aware of the Occupy Wall Street protests that are currently spreading around the United States. You may not be clear on exactly what the goal of the protests is, however—not surprising, since many of the protesters seem a little fuzzy on that themselves. They seem to have a general sense of discontentment with the status quo. They know something is wrong with "the system" (and it's hard to argue that point), but lack a clear plan for how to fix it. Without a clear goal, some of them have defaulted to blocking streets, taking over public spaces, and holding up signs with naughty language on them...

Protesting for the sake of protest

It's an uncomfortably familiar phenomenon.  I admit it: I am in rebellion against church-as-we-know-it. For years, I've had a general sense of discontentment with our Sunday morning status quo, along with the feeling that something is wrong with our church system. What's been missing, though, is a clear sense of WHAT is wrong, let alone how it could be fixed.

To some extent, I've become like the Occupy protesters:

Vaguely discontent, sometimes angry, identifying a few key issues, but sometimes—I'll admit it—rebelling for the sake of rebellion. Rebelling because I wanted to distance myself from some of the things the church has said and done over the years. Rebelling because I got tired of pretending everything was fine. In some ways, I overcorrected.

When I began to realize that some of the things I've believed and embraced—things that have been part of my identity—might not have been 100% correct, the temptation was to throw it all out. Turn my back on "the system", pitch tents in the park, and paint naughty words on my protest signs.

Is it wrong to protest?

It's uncomfortable—even more for the protester than the protestee—and it can certainly be done the wrong way. But just because something is uncomfortable or inflammatory or rebellious doesn't mean it's wrong. Just about any important social change in our history was brought about by those who were considered troublemakers, pot-stirrers, inflammatory.

However:

It's important for those who protest to stay on-message and avoid cynicism

To do otherwise is to risk losing the message altogether. This blog is my attempt to sort out my thoughts in a constructive way. To articulate the reasons behind the discontentment while searching for solutions. To be honest and real in a way that the church doesn't always encourage.

I don't expect my thoughts to turn the Titanic

It's too big of a job for me.  I'm just sorting things out for myself, and sharing them in the hope that they'll help someone else begin their own sorting process.

Are you in the sorting process?  Do you think I'm crazy?  Overly dramatic?  Heretical?  Your comments are welcome!

Why do I like the rules so much?

Why do so many people find Churchian rules so attractive? The Bible tells us things like:

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.¹

Wait, what? Why did Jesus set us free? So that we would be free? Yes. He didn't have ulterior motives. He didn't set us free so that we could build our own prison. He set us free because He wanted us to be free.

You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men.²

But that's just what we do. We church people just don't know what to do with the freedom that Jesus gave us. It's uncomfortable, maybe. All that freedom is a little scary. So we create our own rules. Why? Maybe because

It gives us a comforting sense of superiority.

Ouch. This one could be just me, but in my life as a Churchian I admit that I have often felt like I was better than other people because I adhered to certain man-made rules. I still find it hard to believe that I don't have to DO anything to convince Jesus to accept me. I mean, I know He said that He's got this, but I feel like I should help Him out a little. Otherwise, He might change His mind. Being a good Churchian made me feel just enough better than people in “the world” that I could reassure myself that I really was good enough for Jesus. And yes, that sounds as crazy to me as it does to you.

And you know what else?

Following rules is easier.

In setting us free from our natures, ourselves, and the Old Testament laws, Jesus gave us a lot of freedom. And with that freedom, He gave us a lot of responsibility. I don't know about you, but for me, following clearly-defined rules is a lot easier than figuring out what God is asking of me, myself, today. Seeking God's actual will for me is kind of hard. In comparison, being a Churchian—with its clear boundaries and people who'll be happy to tell me what to do—is just easier. But if I'm going to be an authentic Christian, I have to be willing to get to know Jesus for myself and find out what He wants from me. Even though throwing out the Rules of Churchianity and relying only on God feels a little like jumping off a cliff.

1. Galatians 5:1 (NASB)

2. 1 Corinthians 7: 23 (NASB)